AEP 5 – Love and Dating

Well hello, and welcome to the fluency corner lesson for this month.

I am especially excited, and I was really excited about this one while we were doing the filming for this lesson, because there were so many great

phrases and words and uh, expressions that came up all about love, and dating, and romance, and relationships that people have with each other.

And in this lesson what I’d like to do is go over some of the good,

some of the bad, and some of the ugly

when it comes to relationships. So, we’ll go over lots of phrases and words, and expressions

that you can use in not only your,

you know, romantic relationships, but also friendships, and professional relationships as well.

Let’s get started.

First, very quickly, we’ll just give a few things, a few expressions that you can use when you’re talking about

someone that you love,

someone that you love.

You can call this person your special someone,

your special someone.

And you’ll often hear people on the radio or TV shows, or friends when they’re meeting each other and say,

have you met that special someone yet?

Have you met that special someone yet?

So, have you met someone that you really love, you know, a,

a, uh, a great partner for you that kind of thing, like a boyfriend or girlfriend, something like that.

Or people that are you know, they’re kind of sad, you know, especially in movies and they’re saying well I,

I haven’t met that special someone yet.

I haven’t met that special someone yet.

So, if that’s the case, we’re just talking about a person that you care about,

special someone,

that special someone.

You can also talk about someone being a soul mate,

soul mate.

A soul mate is, again, it’s the same kind of thing, you know, some people believe we are put

on this planet and there are billions of people, but

there is that one special someone, that soul mate for you.

So, that one person that connects with your soul,

uh, and you have a very great relationship with them,

a soul mate,

a soul mate.

And in addition to that special someone or soul mate, you can also talk about finding

the one for you, or the right person.

So, that special someone or that right person,

it’s, again, we’re just talking about

I want to find someone that loves me and that I love that person. But when we talk about it, it’s kind of a more

like a poetic way, we’re trying to sound a bit more elegant, and

natural, and a little bit more,

I don’t know, maybe, romantic about it.

So we talk about soul mates, that right someone, that special someone,

that right person for me.

Oh I, I just haven’t found that, that right person for me.

Oh no, can you help me?

That right person for me,

soul mate,

that special someone.

And a really great phrase when you’re talking about

being away from someone and you miss them, this is a really great expression,

absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder,

now this is a full expression and when we use it as a full expression we don’t shorten this in a conversation.

We can just say, absence makes the heart grow fonder,

absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Now, let’s break this down into pieces,

so absence it just mean where you’re not with someone,

to be absent is to be not there.

So, absence is like the noun form of this,

so absence makes the heart,

my heart,

grow fonder.

Now, fond is a more, kind of, elegant or elevated or advanced way of saying that you like someone.

So, maybe many, many years ago you wouldn’t just say oh I like that girl over there.

You would say, I’m very fond of her.

It’s usually not an expression or a word that you would hear so much, but in this expression everyone understands it.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

So, what that means is that if I’m away from my girlfriend or my wife or whoever, or you are away from

you know, whoever your special someone is

absence makes the heart grow fonder.

It means you miss them more and more as you’re away from them, you know, either physically away from them,

uh, you know, over a long distance, or it’s been a long time since you’ve seen them.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder,

absence makes the heart grow fonder.

All right, now we’re going to get into some of the juicier

more interesting stuff because, as you probably know already,

most of the time if you’re having a good time in your relationship, if everything is going along well,

it’s not that interesting to talk about.

Oh, how is your wife and how is the relationship?

Everything is perfect, everything is going just fine.

Well, that’s the end of that conversation.

But, the thing that people really talk about, they want to gossip about, they want to know about drama,

and trouble. And this is what every movie is about.

There is always a problem,

and so that’s why most of this video lesson will be talking about problems and how to deal with them.

And, kind of, specifically how we talk about that for love and relationships,

but also for other relationships in general.

So, let’s get started.

First, we typically talk about men and women being different and there are lots of different ways to describe this.

You can say we are wired differently,

so, again, we have like different wiring, like our brains are actually a little bit different.

Now, I don’t mean like the size or anything, just, kind of, how we think,

the things that we think about, and you know, there is a lot of equality in the world, like men and women doing the same jobs or making the same amount of money.

But, you know, sometimes we talk about things differently, or think about them in different ways.

So, you know, we’ve got often times, uh, problems that come up when men are thinking about things in one way and women are thinking about them in another,

or whatever it is in your relationship.

And we talk about men and women specifically having a battle of the sexes.

This is a B-A-T-T-L-E, like a fight, like a war,

a battle, battle.

But, again, we have the T turning into a D sound, so a battle,

battle,

battle.

The battle of the sexes.

Now, there is a really, really popular book that came out I think maybe uh, maybe 20 years ago I believe, it’s still quite popular though,

it’s called Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus.

And this is again another way of describing the same thing where men and women are different.

So, men are from mars and women are from Venus.

Now, we can talk about this you know, anytime there is a problem in a relationship, or you know, like you’re sitting down and

a friend of yours is complaining about their relationship, or there is a problem or something

you can just say, well you know, men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

And that just means that

you know, there is going to be problems in a relationship and that means you just have to work a little bit to

try to make everything go a little bit more smoothly in the relationship.

So, the battle of the sexes,

and men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

Now, another great expression that you’ll often hear in movies and TV shows especially as well as conversations is

you can’t live with them, you can’t live without them.

Now this is a really great expression where it’s got almost two meanings, to live with someone means to physically be living with someone.

And then you’ve got to live without them,

so let’s say I, I love my wife, but sometimes I, ah I just hate what she does.

Or this is, you’ll, you’ll see in movies where

you know, one character on he, he really loves, uh, his girlfriend or something. But

sometimes she does things that you know, they’re just crazy and they really,

he just doesn’t know what to do about that.

So, when people they sit and they think about women or men and they’re just like ah, like,

like why is it so frustrating?

Like I love them but sometimes I really hate them at the same time.

So, we say you can’t live with them,

to live with someone, again to live together, to cohabitate,

or you can’t live without them.

So it can mean physically like living you know, with a woman, or it could mean

just having women or men in your life.

So often when people are having problems or they’re talking with their friends about problems that they’re having

they’ll use that expression. Ah

men, you can’t live with ‘em, you can’t live without ‘em,

and notice how I’m saying you can’t live without ‘em, ‘em.

Because we don’t say them, it just sounds a little bit too,

a little bit too formal.

So if you want to be uh, you know, a bit more informal, you want to be more casual and conversational you can say

you can’t with ‘em, you can’t live without ‘em.

You can’t live with ‘em, you can’t live without ‘em.

Now, let’s talk more specifically about what happens when there is a problem in a relationship,

and this can mean any kind of relationship, but most of the words that you’ll hear

are used specifically for romantic relationships, like a husband and wife, or a boyfriend, girlfriend, that kind of thing.

So, the first one is instead of just saying oh like you’re having problems you could describe

you’re having trouble in paradise,

trouble in paradise.

So, let’s say I am a father, and I have a son that’s, maybe, 16 years old and he’s got a girlfriend for the first time.

And everything is going great, and then ah, they have their first problem.

So, he is telling me a story, oh dad, like you know, I, I saw the girl, like, maybe, hanging out with some other guy at a party or something like that.

And I’m just saying oh, trouble in paradise,

trouble in paradise.

So, paradise is like heaven,

it’s like ah, fantastic thing, and, so everybody thinks

when they’re in love it’s like paradise, it’s like heaven

because you know, you feel great all the time.

But when there is a problem, there is trouble in paradise.

Oh no, trouble in paradise,

trouble in paradise.

And when you have trouble in paradise you tend to butt heads with someone,

to butt heads.

Now if you’ve ever seen a goat before these are like the little animals at the farm, they’ve got the horns that come up.

And the uh, like the men or the, you know, not the men I guess but the male goats

uh, you could call these uh, like billy goats uh, or you could just call it like a ram that’s usually the, the name for a, a male goat.

Uh, but anyway so they’ve got the horns and they kind of fight with each other. They butt heads like that.

Now, this is an expression you can use to butt heads with someone, again to butt heads, notice how I’m not saying butt heads, I’m saying butt heads,

butt heads.

The T sounds basically disappears.

Now, when you butt heads with someone this could be at an office,

like one person thinks one way and someone else thinks a different way, you’re butting heads,

or this could be butting heads in a relationship, where I think

we should do something one way, or I want to sleep with the air conditioner on and

my wife wants to sleep with the air conditioner off, or something like that.

So, you’re butting heads,

butting heads about that.

Next, another great expression for fighting is to duke it out.

You can fight with someone or you can duke it out,

to duke it out.

Now, listen carefully to how it blends,

du kid out,

du kid out,

duke it out,

to duke it out with someone,

duke it out with someone.

Now, you’re duking it out it’s like you’re putting up,

you put your dukes, your fists. So, it’s like a, a very physical fistfight with someone,

and again this could be used,

uh, in any situation, it could be a friend or it could be like a romantic

relationship, you know, a married partner or something like that, somebody at your office.

And you’re, instead of just butting heads you’re also duking it out, so you’re really having a fight,

and it could be maybe not an actual physical fight,

but you’re really, you know, you’re really heated. It’s a very like a tempestuous situation, like a tempest.

It’s very wild, if you remember from the Phrase Builder lesson tempestuous,

and so it’s really wild and exciting. And everybody is like really, really

serious and angry about that,

so when you’re butting heads and then you’re duking it out,

duke it out.

I don’t want to duke it out with you,

I just want to talk things over.

I don’t want to duke it out with you, I just want to talk things over.

Next, to describe someone, this could be in a relationship or any relationship, really,

as someone who gets angry easily,

this is a person called a hothead,

a hothead,

hothead.

My father’s a real hothead he gets crazy if I go into his room when he’s busy watching a, a sports game, something like that.

So, while he’s watching football

I don’t, I don’t go in and bother my father because he’s a hothead like that.

He gets angry really quickly,

a hothead.

My dad is actually a really nice guy, but you know, for the purposes of the example, a hothead.

Also I love my wife,

I know I’m giving a lot of, kind of, weird examples over here, but

you know, really if, if I’m gonna be honest about this though,

she does like it quite warm in the room while she sleeps and I like it really cold,

so you know, maybe that’s something we butt heads about a little bit.

Next, when you’re having trouble communicating with someone,

or you really don’t know what to say, or you don’t want to speak with them at all because you’re angry with them,

we call this situation putting up walls.

So, let’s say I’m having a, a dispute with you, a fight, an argument,

and you know, we just uh, I don’t want to talk to this guy anymore.

I’m really, really angry with him ah, I just, it’s really, really frustrating, so I don’t want to talk with him and I put up a wall.

So, I’m putting up walls.

I’m, like, literally building a wall between us like this to put up walls.

So, putting up walls just means you’re stopping communication somehow.

Either you don’t want to do it, you don’t want to listen,

uh, or you know, really you’re just, you’re just tired of listening to them because they, you, you really can’t come together on something.

You can’t compromise and, and work out the problem, whatever that is.

To put up walls,

put up walls,

put up walls,

put up walls.

And for the last few things for this video lesson I want to talk about making up,

making up.

So, to make up with someone, this is after you’ve had a fight,

and you know, when you’re talking with people okay we’ve had our, our cool down period.

So, you get, things get like hot and heated, and then you have to,

you have to take a step back,

to take a step back,

and look back ah, maybe the problem wasn’t such a big deal, or maybe I said something stupid. So, you’re taking

a step back and cooling down,

so these are all phrases and expressions that talk about that.

The first one, when you’re apologizing with people, as you’ll see in the conversation, is

it takes two to tango,

and this means anytime that two people are required to do something

and then it’s usually both of their faults,

you know, both people are responsible if there is a problem.

So, it takes two people to have a good relationship,

it takes two people to have a good marriage or a good business relationship or anything like that.

So, it takes two to tango,

and this is the regular like tango dance, because I can’t dance the tango by myself, you need two people to do it,

but this is just the dance that people use, you know, we don’t say it takes two people to waltz, or it takes two people to do

you know, some other dance,

two to tango is a, just the very common expression and that’s the dancing term that we use for that.

So, anytime you want to resolve a problem just remember

you know, maybe you did something, but maybe I did something too, and you know, maybe

it’s kind of both of our faults.

It takes two to tango.

It takes two to tango.

Now listen carefully to how this blends,

it takes two to tango,

it takes two to tango. Again, that T becomes the D sound.

Do you hear the pattern?

Two to tango,

two to tango.

Next, make it work,

make it work.

To make it work, and it is the relationship, means to work together to repair a relationship or to keep it going smoothly.

Now, a relationship does require a lot of work.

It could be a friendship that you have with people.

I know I’ve kind of lost some friendships that I’ve had with people as I go out and travel around and live in different countries.

And some of my friends that are back in America,

uh, you know, I don’t really get to speak with them so often, or we’ve kind of lost contact, we’ve lost touch, we’ve lost touch, lost touch.

So, you know, it takes a little bit of effort to make it work,

make it work,

to make it work.

So, whenever you have a relationship with people you always need to keep making the effort,

especially if it’s someone that you have a very close relationship with like your,

you know, your wife, or your husband, or a boyfriend, or girlfriend, or whoever.

So, work hard to make it work,

to make the relationship go smoothly,

make it work.

Next, mind reader,

a mind reader.

And you’ll see this again in the conversation along with all the other phrases that you’re learning in these lessons.

But mind reader, specifically, is something that you can use when, just like we talked about in the Phrase Builder lesson,

use words or use your words,

we want people to actually express themselves because we’re not mind readers.

So, I don’t know how to read your mind, I can kind of guess how you’re thinking. Like, if you look angry

I can see that or I can understand that, but maybe I don’t know why.

So, I’m not a mind reader,

and often you’ll hear this in movies and TV shows when you know, the husband and wife are arguing and like the wife will

you know, be like this, and kind of angry, and the husband is like what, what, what?

I’m not a mind reader,

I’m not a mind reader, and it just means please tell me what you’re thinking because I, I don’t know exactly what the problem is.

I’m not a mind reader.

I’m not a mind reader.

And our last phrase is don’t go to bed angry,

don’t go to bed angry.

One of the best ways to make sure that you have a good night’s sleep, especially if you’ve had a fight,

is, you know, you take some time, you try to think about it, and talk it over,

talk it over with the person you’re with, your wife or your husband or whoever,

and then, you know, you want to make sure you resolve the problem pretty well.

At least and maybe not, maybe it’s not perfect, but

at least you don’t go to bed angry.

So, a lot of people will give this advice to each other,

especially people that are living together for the first time because it’s really difficult to

go to bed angry when, you know, you’ve just had an argument and then you don’t sleep well, and then, kind of, you wake up in the next morning and you’re, you’re, kind of, angry still because you didn’t sleep well. And

the problem has not been resolved.

So, do your best to try to resolve the uh, you know, the problem whatever that is

so that you don’t go to bed angry.

Don’t go to bed angry,

so some people will say don’t go to bed angry or never go to bed angry.

Don’t go to bed angry,

never go to bed angry.

Well, that’s it for this month,

I hope you’ve enjoyed all of these phrases, go back and review them.

Uh, use them in your conversations as often as you can. Remember most of these are just talking about

personal relationships so if you’re a hothead

or if you know, you like to butt heads with people or duke it out,

or you know, you want to work it out, or make it work.

All of these things they’re great for any kind of relationship.

It’s just that, you know, when we’re talking about these kind of couples relationships that’s when people get

very emotional and really passionate about these things, and we use a lot of these phrases more in those contexts.

Well, that’s it for this lesson, and I hope you’ve enjoyed it, and I look forward to seeing you again when we use all of these

in the Master Class lesson coming up soon.

Have a great day and I’ll see you in that lesson.

Bye bye.